Echo of a Tortured Scream
by Dory's human replica
Summary: Leo is dying from a poison more deadly than any other...guilt, grief and shock. At 38, his family has been ripped away from him and his life torn apart. This is his final story. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**Trust – Echo of a Tortured Scream**

**Disclaimer: -** I don't own the turtles – and I never will…which, in the case of this story, is probably a good thing if this is the torture I'm going to put them through.

**Summary: -** This is the first in a possible two-part series. The Shredder and all his forces in their final revenge against the turtles – CHARACTER DEATHS, and a lot of them at that… Leonardo is on his deathbed and dying from a poison more deadly than any plague and more deadly than anything Baxter Stockman could ever come up with: grief, guilt and graphic scenes from the past that are leaving him drained. Twenty years ago, two of his brothers died and in the next ten years his entire family was taken from him. Now he is left alone – this is his story – the final tale of Leonardo; leader, brother, son and friend.

**A/N: -** This is the darkest Fanfiction I have written to date. There will be a lot of character deaths – and it will be full of hate, revenge, hurt, sorrow, guilt and depression. Be prepared for it – I don't like killing them off, I really don't, but I just wanted to be able try my hand at a seriously dark fic with no comedy. Please Review and let me know what you think.Thanks toMika, Rapha, Sparx and Lavi for giving me their views prior to publication - you know who you are.

**LEO'S POV**

It's always the way; it's always the way that when you have something precious you don't appreciate it…until it is brutally snatched away from you and you are left with nothing. You never dream of that happening – you never expect that day to come quickly, but it always, _always_, comes sooner than expected…much sooner.

I know I was wrong to even think about trusting him in the beginning, but I realised my mistake soon enough – thanks to my family and a severe wake-up call. But a part of me still can't help thinking: what if I had never met with him that night? Would it all have ended like this or would we not have encountered him for many years, if ever?

What do I think?

I think that things _would_ have been different, better, for us had I not made that decision. We would _not _have been faced with him for a lot longer; possibly never – I don't know – I don't know anything anymore…except for one small, nagging fact at the back of my mind, worming it's way so deeply into my soul that death will be a welcome release.

Because of my bad judgement, my brothers are dead; stone cold and rotting under the hard earth of this World. Looking back, I could have played it differently – thought things through, behaved more sensibly as it is…was…my responsibility to do.

But I can't; what's done is done and I have to accept it.

Now, gazing across the vast expanse of the remnants of my ruined life, I know once and for all that I am alone, even as I lay here dying. All beings have a future in death, at least that is what I have been brought up to believe, but my brothers have been so long gone from this life that I can no longer see their smiling faces and open arms beckoning me to join them – to be reunited. All I see now is the maimed carcasses, the dying breaths, the inevitable call of death knocking at the door to their innermost beings, the disfigured faces, the last words, the stench of burnt flesh and the echo of tortured screams. I do not even recall what has passed between the night of the last death and the present day. All I can do is close my eyes and wait for my soul to finally be released…wait for the final judgement that will send me to join my brothers or condemn me to the burning pits of hell for eternity.

My story is not a happy one; it is a tale of all that I loved being ripped away from me, leaving me naked in the dark, vulnerable and exposed to the scrutiny of the universe, fate mocking my every move by twisting the knife in a little further every time I tried to pull myself back from the brink of insanity…but my tale is over and no longer matters…no-one shall remember me, nobody will miss me, not a soul on this planet will ever even know that I existed…how did it come to this?

**20 YEARS EARLIER**

"You have been a thorn in my side long enough!" Shredder bellowed.

"Change the record, Shredder, you say that every time!" Leo retorted. He was the 'fearless leader' of his team. He and his brothers were about to defeat a foe they had hunted since they were only fifteen years of age. Helpless teenagers caught up in a vicious circle where they were both hunters and hunted. Now, at eighteen years of age, they had experience and skill along with passion and grace. Leaping into the fight, they fought the Shredder, known originally to them as Oroku Saki, for what they hoped would be the last time. This was always the way for them – each time hoping it would be the last but the last time had yet to come. A battle for survival – survival of the fittest – that they, as ninja, were determined to win for the final avenging of their Sensei's Sensei, Master Yoshi.

Leonardo, the eldest and the leader, was immediately engrossed in hand-to-hand combat with the Shredder himself, twisting and turning to avoid the blows with a natural elegance and beauty that his brothers had never achieved. Wielding his twin katana with an enhanced vigour, he countered his opponent's attacks and laughed to himself every time the Shredder made a mistake that gave Leonardo the upper-hand. Their fight looked more like a dance than a fight and could almost have been completely choreographed, were it not for the bruises peppered all over Leo's body from an earlier fight and for the simple fact that both combatants' weapons were sharpened for the kill.

Raphael, the next oldest and the hot-head, was almost yawning as he took on the Shredder's right-hand man, Hun – a giant with a lot of brawn but very little brain to go with it. To an outsider, he could have looked bored with the fight but close-up it was clear that there were dark circles under his eyes, and that it was only a mad glimmer of hatred and raw fury shining out and radiating from every pore on his body that was keeping him going. He was fighting Hun with a certain amount of ease and venting all his frustration into the fight, so enhancing his skills. Hun was roaring louder than he ever had before as he realised he had met his match in the red-masked turtle that stood before him, twirling his Sais with a blood-thirsty lust – a lust for the blood of Shredder and Hun.

Donatello, the third oldest and brainiac of the group, was cornered by all four Foot Elite ninjas and was slowly being driven towards the edge. With a keen mind and the ability to make difficult calculations very quickly he was able to work out all the various angles and moves that would quickest result in the demise of his enemies. All four of them had been beaten by the Elite in the past, and that was when they were fighting together, so Donnie was concentrating mainly on defending himself until he could think of a better way to achieve victory that wouldn't result in his death at the same time.

Michelangelo, youngest and the joker, swung his Nunchuks round so fast that they were visible only as blurs. He faced Karai, Shredder's adopted daughter and most trusted member of his team. She was known for her tricks and subtle ways of convincing the turtles she had some good in her, before turning round and throwing it back in their faces with an attack. Mikey was best suited to face Karai as she was skilled with a chain and a swift flick of the wrist could send it flying towards an opponent at an alarming speed and they wouldn't have time to react; Mikey's incredible speed and agility enabled him to dodge such attacks, designed to catch a foe off-guard, relatively easily.

"Guys, we're getting our shells waxed here!" Raph called, slightly out of breath as several Foot Tech ninjas came to Hun's aid.

"Raph's right – we may have to call a tactical retreat," Leo called back.

"I said we were getting beaten – I didn't say that I wanted to run away from a fight!"

"Sorry, Raph, but I'm the leader and I say we go!"

"And I say you don't!" Shredder took his chance and kicked Leo in the chest, sending him down.

"LEO!" Mikey yelled, punching Karai in the face and glancing over to his oldest brother. There was no-one in any situation to help the leader and panic welled up inside him as he realised the immense danger to his brother.

"Now you will die – how glad I am that you are to die first and by my hand," Shredder cackled, his raspy voice sounding out over the noise of battle, even over the roars of Hun and the crashing of the thunder. He raised his blade and began to bring it down when he was swept off his feet by an olive green shape with a purple mask. Donnie had momentarily escaped his foes and tackled Shredder to get him away from Leo.

"Don't you dare!" he hissed as he and the Shredder battled.

"Change of plan," Shredder growled back, "you will die first," he threw Donnie off and over the edge of the twelve storey building before turning back to a horror-stricken Leo, who had staggered to his feet and picked up his katana.

"You will pay for that," he hissed, voice trembling as he fought with himself to control the grief and guilt that was fast welling up inside him. He lunged at the Shredder but the metal-armoured villain jumped back to avoid the blades of Leonardo.

"Foot – disappear!" he yelled, "Hun, you know what to do!"

"Yes, Master," Hun grinned maliciously, seizing Raph suddenly by the bandanna tails and slamming him down to knock him out. Shredder threw down a smoke bomb and the white smoke billowed out over the rooftops; when it had cleared, the only ones left on the rooftop were Leo and Mikey.

"Raph?" Mikey began searching for his red-masked brother, fearing the worst. Leo, meanwhile, without a single word to his baby brother, clambered down the fire escape and round to the area where Donnie had fallen. Mikey looked up to see no-one but himself on the rooftop, _Oh Shell…where's Leo and Don?_ He thought worriedly. Shivering, he searched the rooftops and then, deciding that they must have been captured, he began to make his way slowly back to the lair, tears of despair clouding his vision as he tried to contemplate how he was going to tell his Sensei about Leo, Donnie and Raph.

"Donnie!" Leo screeched as his brother's prone form came into view. Rushing over, stumbling a little, he fell to his knees at his brother's side. He gasped and resisted the urge to throw up as he noticed that Donnie's legs were all bent at odd angles and his shell was cracked in several places. His right arm was limp and bone was jutting out of it, blood leaking from it and staining the ground. At the touch of his brother's hand across his forehead, Donnie forced his eyes to flutter open,

"Leo…" he managed weakly, "don't blame…yourself…"

"Donnie, you have to fight it – don't give up," Leo spoke softly and urgently to his younger brother, willing him to live, "just hang in there, bro – you're gon--------" he broke of as Donnie's eyes closed and he went limp in his big brother's arms. A raspy sigh, the Death Rattle, escaped from his bleeding and torn lips. Picking him up gently, Leo slowly drew up to his full height, face darkening as the sudden realisation of what Shredder was doing dawned on him. This was his revenge – his final revenge against Leo and his beloved family.

"Leonardo," Shredder's icy tones cut into the turtle's thoughts as he stood forlornly, holding his brother's body close to him, "do you not wonder what has become of Raphael?"

"Raph…you've got Raph?"

"Perhaps…" Shredder smirked.

"Where is he?" Leo's voice had quickly changed from being full of grief to full of hope to laden with venom in the space of only a few seconds.

"Why don't you find out?" Shredder barked, throwing down another smoke bomb and disappearing once more. Leo caught a glimpse of him leaping over the rooftops in a triumphant manner and screeched louder than he ever had in his life, not words but just a long and mournful wail of despair, rage, hate, love of his brothers, grief and hope. He ran back to the lair and placed Donnie's body in his bedroom, the place where all the genius' best ideas came to him, and then left again without a word, not even listening to the desperate sobs of his youngest brother as he discovered the body of Donatello. Ignoring this, Leo ran, on and on, in hot pursuit of the Shredder – to find Raph, save him, and kill the Shredder…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: -** Ok, first thing, reviews – thank you to those who did and to those who didn't; please do! This is not a happy story and I know it's unlike me to write a dark story such as this but I wanted one in my collection and I would really appreciate some more feedback. Right, now, shout-outs to the lovely people that reviewed for me: -

**Lioness-Goddess: -** Thank you so much for your review – here's the next part – and I hated killing off Donnie, but in this one someone else gets killed…it's so painful to do…I am dreading the moment when I have to…I'll stop right there ;-)

**Chibi Rose Angel: -** It was so nice to have your encouragement with this story as I was a little nervous of writing a darker story with no comedy – and the ending will be just as dark as the beginning. I would say I am being 'experimental' rather than 'cracking' though – in spite of what some people may say about me (looks pointedly in direction of little brother)!

Leo ran through the twisting corridors of the Foot Headquarters, searching for any clues that might lead to the finding of his brother…alive or dead, he did not know which it would be but he was frantically hoping with every bone in his body that it would not be the latter. His honour would not allow him to leave the Headquarters without avenging his already fallen brother and Leo's attachment to honour and fulfilling its code was astounding; he would eliminate the Shredder or at least leave him a calling card of some kind. His keen senses were on full alert for anything, however small, that might signal to the whereabouts of Raphael and, after a good thirty minutes of fruitless wandering through the winding hallways, his ears finally picked up on a sound. A sharp crack, the sound of a whip on a stone floor, cold and laden with the cruelty of the master that used it; the sound of a whip on a stone floor, that's how it could be described – a stone floor or possibly a shell. Pushing his already aching limbs at a faster, almost rhythmic, pace than he ever would have deemed possible under normal circumstances, Leonardo followed the repetitive sounds of the whip, cringing every time it cracked through near certainty that his precious brother would be on the receiving end.

Ducking into a closet or storage room of some sort, Leo watched as three men left the room, merrily chatting among themselves, but their gruff voices laced with a sense of bloodthirsty triumph. Slinking out of his hiding place and into the room the three Foot ninjas had just left, Leo was greeted by a sight no eighteen year old should ever have to see at such a tender age; a sight so horrifying that no living creature deserves to witness it in their entire lifespan.

"Raphael…" his voice was almost gone and he could not bring himself to speak, in spite of a deep longing to utter words of reassurance and comfort to his younger brother. Raph was chained to the wall, his shape resembling the one formed when performing a star jump, his head fallen loosely onto his chest in unconsciousness. Unable to move, Leo took in the full and horrific extent of his brother's injuries. The red-clad turtle's bandana was soaked in sweat, his plastron bearing a grid-like pattern of raw welts obtained from the harsh whips of the Foot. His whole body was unrecognisable as the bruises and gashes coated him from top to toe, his arms lifeless – dislocated, Leo suspected - and his legs were mangled and covered in lacerations. Savagely beaten, he had, with no doubts, endured the pain with as much defiance and strength as he could muster as the barbaric Foot ninjas had mercilessly attacked him over and over while he hung, defenceless, a victim to their every brutal desire. The blood that spattered the walls and floor around his brother made Leo mentally retch and he used every inch of his inner-strength and courage to resist the overwhelming urge to throw-up, break down in tears or go out on a rampage to slaughter as many of those in league with Shredder as he possibly could in one night – in his opinion, there where not enough hours in a century to contain the punishments Shredder and his clan should receive.

Snapping out of his stupor, he darted forward and sliced through the chains that suspended his brother. Gently lowering him to the ground, Leo noticed that the wounds were far more gruesome, shocking and grisly close up.

"C'mon, bro, speak to me," he urged.

"I knew you…would find me…" Raph smiled softly at his brother, his face distorted with pain and a large chunk out of the skin on his left cheek causing him obvious discomfort as he spoke.

"Sssh, you'll be ok now – I've got you and you're safe and we'll make it back to the lair together and we'll get you all fixed up. You just have to hold on and stay awake," Leo gently coaxed his brother, hoping to all that was pure that he would not fail Raph as he had so dismally failed Donnie.

"Leo…just so you know," Raph drew in a sharp intake of breath as a fresh wave of pain coursed through his weak frame, "I will miss…you most of all…in all our fights, I never meant what I said…I love ya, bro," Raph strained to get the words out, partly due to his dying strength but also because he found it immensely difficult to admit he loved Leo and it was likewise with Leo to him; both knew it was true but neither needed to speak it, at risk of Mikey and Donnie teasing for months – as long as the other knew then it was more than enough.

"I know, now save your strength, I can't lose you too,"

"Too?" Raph questioned, voice suddenly increasing in strength.

"Raph, I…" Leo tried to think of an easy way to put it, but could think of none, "Donnie fell from the building – he died."

"Alone? No-one was even with him?" Raph's voice now had concern and distress smothering the pain he was longing to show. Another, deeper, wound had just been added to his collection.

"Not alone; I was with him in the end, when he passed away," Leo sighed. And at that point, Raph saw in his brother's face a pain and guilt so far down and so firmly rooted into his soul that it could never be destroyed, only fuelled until it took over and separated him from his rational mind.

"That, at least, counts for a lot," Raph smiled, eyelids drooping.

"Raph, please don't fall asleep – don't leave me now – not now,"

"I'm not gonna," Raph forced a small chuckle, "all I'm going to do is rest,"

"No…you'll fall asleep and then I won't be able to get you back!"

"Leo, chill out – you said it yourself: we're gonna make it back to the lair together and get me all fixed up again."

"We're a shell of a state, huh?"

"You got it,"

"C'mon, let's get moving," Leo stood and gently lifted his brother, in spite of the hot-head's protests, saying he didn't need to be carried and could probably walk. Leo scoffed at this and gave Raph a lecture as they walked.

"Leo…there's a light," Raph's voice was dreamy, misty and full of an unspoken fear so intense that he shuddered a little in his brother's arms.

"A light?" Leo frowned, looking down into his brother's face.

"Bright white – calling me – I have to answer---"

"No, Raphael, you cannot and will not answer its call. It is calling you into death and waiting to suck your life from you."

"Please, Leo – you know as well as I do that I won't make it…better to die now, at the hands of my enemies and cause as little pain to you as possible…"

"No…no…not now, it's not your turn!"

"But it is, Leonardo," Raph used his brother's full name for what would probably be the last time he would ever speak it, "and this way, Donnie will have company. He'll be scared, Leo, you know he will be – I don't want him to face whatever happens next on his own."

"But you can make it; your voice is stronger already."

"I am spent, Leo – this is my last ounce of strength and it is almost gone."

"What a touching testament this is," Shredder's hollow laugh filled the ears of both turtles. He appeared, sword drawn, and readied to attack them. Laying his brother down on the floor, Leo drew his katana.

"Don't you dare give up, Raph, or you will have me to answer to when I finally join you wherever it is you would go!" he growled to his brother under his breath before turning to face the being responsible for the death of Donnie and the grotesque wounds that covered Raph's body, rendering him weak and helpless.

"So, we face each other once more, as we have done on many an occasion," Shredder's voice was one of mockery and scorn towards the blue-clad leader of the 'thorns in his side' that had been twisting and slowly defeating him for so long, "your brother will not make it," he voiced what Leo silently knew deep down, "so how about you surrender and you can journey with him into whatever awaits us when our bodies are no more and our spirits are free."

"I shall never surrender to the likes of you!" Leo snarled menacingly, advancing on the Shredder and at once becoming engaged in heated combat with him. From the sidelines, Raph watched, wishing he could do something to help his brother. He felt himself slipping and tried to resist, in a futile attempt to obey his brother's order, for once, and prevent Leo getting distracted from his present dilemma. But he could not fight the pain, the sorrow, the light that beckoned to him softly – _I'm sorry, Leo – never forget me,_ he thought peacefully, knowing in his heart that his big brother and leader would hear him and know instinctively what had happened. Sure enough, Leo felt his brother's life drain from him and kicked Shredder with enhanced vigour before grabbing his brother's now lifeless body and running for the exit, angry tears now blurring his vision and falling onto the bloody body in his arms, cutting small paths in the blood on the red-clad turtle's peaceful face. He heard a whisper on the wind and listened as the voice of his brother sent a final farewell and, in the distant sewers; he felt two more stabs of indescribable grief hit two others who had felt the passing of one they loved.

Staggering faintly into the lair, carrying the bloodied corpse of his beloved brother, Leo barely had time to calm himself down a little before Mikey burst into the living room from Don's room and flew towards Leo, skidding to a halt just before he reached his oldest brother, eyes wide as dinner plates.

"Raph?" he croaked, looking desperately from Leo to Raph and back to Leo again. The eldest turtle just shook his head slightly, not breaking eye contact with Michelangelo for a single second. Mikey turned on his heels, clicking to what his brother was trying to get across without actually having to say the words themselves, and ran into his room, slamming the door and collapsing in a flurry of tears the other side of the door. Laying Raph in his room, among the mess of wrestling posters, comics and various objects that cluttered the hot-head's domain, Leo knelt by the bedside of his dead brother and took his hand tightly in his own, finally letting himself break down into heart-wrenching sobs, hardly recognising that Splinter had arrived behind him. Trying in vain to compose himself, he turned to his Sensei.

"I tried to save him, Master Splinter, I swear I did."

"Trying is sometimes not enough," Splinter mumbled in a vain attempt at comfort, bitter tears cutting jagged paths down the grey fur of his cheeks, "I am sorry, my son, but please leave Raphael and myself alone for a few moments." Splinter helped his eldest son up and ushered him gently out of the room, in spite of Leonardo's unspoken reluctance to go anywhere. Once outside of Raphael's now tomb-like room, he sighed deeply, silent tears flowing in an unstoppable torrent and overwhelming his ability to think and do anything, even go and see how Mikey was. He sat wearily on the sofa and pulled his knees up to his plastron and hugging them so tightly that he began to lose the feeling in them, a good thing as all they were doing was aching at the present time. His family was being torn apart and destroyed…one member at a time.

**A/N: -** Two words for all you readers out there: PLEASE REVIEW – and another two for if you do: THANK-YOU!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: -** Sorry this has taken so long – been very busy, as usual – but here is the next chapter for my story. None of these chapters are particularly pleasant but this is probably one of the tamer ones – and, shock horror, nobody dies in this chapter! However, don't expect that to last in the next chapter! Now, read and enjoy and don't forget to review!

****

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**LEO'S POV – PRESENT TIME**

That was it – two brothers gone in the space of approximately twenty-four hours. It hardly seems fair, does it? That someone's family should be taken so suddenly and so brutally without even a sign or word of warning, even the ability for a little more hindsight on my part; I still can't believe that it happened and it's been twenty years since that dreadful night.

If I could turn back the clock, believe me, I would – I would change everything that happened that night and a shell of a lot more besides. For that was to be only the first of a series of brutal attacks that would leave my family wrecked and eventually gone: the next part of my tale happened five years after Donnie and Raph passed on – fifteen years back from now.

**15 YEARS EARLIER**

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"Hello, Michelangelo at your service," Mikey answered the phone cheerily, hiding the grief that was still eating at him from the deepest part of his soul to his physical appearance. Over the five years since the death of two of his brothers, he had become thinner, paler and there were permanent dark rings under his eyes. The only part of him that remained was the sparkle in his piercing chocolate coloured eyes and the jolly tone he managed to retain on his voice.

"Brother of Raphael and Donatello?" a gruff yet familiar voice cackled down the phone.

"Who is this?" Mikey asked, now worried. He was alone at the lair as his Sensei was out searching for bits and bobs to put in the lair while his older and only remaining brother, Leonardo, was out on his early morning training run.

"Don't you recognise my voice?"

"No…well, yeah…but why are you calling from April and Casey's number?"

"Why don't you drop by and find out – but I would be careful if I were you…" the voice was full of evil and Mikey could have sensed it from five miles off and it was then that he realised who it was speaking to him; the Shredder – the one responsible for the deaths of Raph and Donnie, the one to blame for the deterioration of his own physical and mental health along with that of his brothers, the one at fault for five long years of grief.

"Stay away from them," Mikey snarled down the phone.

"Too late for that…hurry up or you will be late also, as your brother was all those years ago…do you want their blood on your head?" Shredder laughed one final time before he put the phone down, leaving a stunned and panicked Mikey listening to the dial tone with no idea of what to do.

"Mikey?" Leo arrived five minutes later and had found his brother clutching the handset of the phone with terror visible on his pallid features.

"Shredder has Casey and April…" Mikey trailed off, casting his gaze to the floor. Leo tilted his brother's chin up and looked him in the eyes.

"This time, I will not fail – you will be there with me and we will beat him and avenge our brothers' death." Leo spoke with a fierce determination that would have roused even the most terrified of listeners into action, "let's go."

Hurtling themselves across the rooftops, Leo and Mikey's hearts were pounding and blood was rushing in their ears as they breathed quickly and harshly, determined to reach Casey and April before it was too late.

"Leo, we need to pick up the pace," Mikey gasped.

"I know – but we're going by the fastest route and I don't know about you but my legs are like jelly!" Leo panted in response.

"We can go faster," Mikey growled uncharacteristically and his feet moved even quicker, almost seeming to fly across the rooftops. Leo followed suit, feeding off his baby brother's energy and running just the little bit swifter to make the biggest of differences; those crucial seconds could be the deciding factors between life and death for their human friends.

Reaching April's apartment, the two turtles burst inside, panting as they tried to catch their breath. Shredder was stood over the bloodied body of Casey while April was tied up and huddled in a corner, sobbing, her eyes fixed on Casey, who didn't seem to be breathing.

"Let them go, Shredder," Mikey stammered fearfully on sight of his human friends in such a state.

"Well, well, Leonardo," Shredder cackled, totally ignoring Mikey, "I see you have brought the last of your brothers to be annihilated – how thoughtful of you to know that he would be next on my list anyway. Forgive me, for these humans were not meant to get hurt but this fool," he turned back and kicked Casey in the ribs (Leo thought he heard something crack), "thought he could take me down – I had to prove him wrong, didn't I? I know you would have done it if you had been challenged by one of my friends – you would have taken them down. So really, Leonardo, you are no better than I. How ironic…" he trailed off, studying the blue-clad turtle's face for any signs of fear or hurt but he found none, "not touching a raw nerve yet, I see? Perhaps you believe you will make it out of this alive? That's a little optimistic, I must say, but each to their own. Well, you already killed two of your brothers so third time lucky that you survive, eh? Ah," Shredder smiled crookedly under his mask, though Leo couldn't see his conniving face, and continued silkily, hissing and spitting the words out as though they were poisonous to utter, "I see you already blame yourself…well, I have a fun little fact for you – this time will be like the others and you will live your life knowing you killed them all! It's all your fault, Leonardo, every little thing that's ever gone wrong in your life was because of some stupid judgement or decision you've made. Why should such fortunes be reversed now?"

"You've gone too far this time, Shredder," Leo growled, lunging for his enemy with a fiery passion and a hatred burning so strong that his eyes alone should have seared a hole right through the Shredder's armour. He was fighting the Shredder alone while his youngest brother untied April and helped Casey to his feet; the man was barely breathing, let alone conscious. Leo noticed that the Shredder had not yet had any kind of back-up and his heart was in his mouth; the back-up would be back at the lair, ready to kill Splinter.

"Another mistake, Leonardo; leaving the rat alone in your lair when the bulk of my forces go there now. What a shame you'll be causing the death of the rodent as well as that of your three brothers…or maybe I'm lying. Maybe the back-up is here at the apartment. What do you believe, Leonardo? Do you send your brother and the humans back to your lair or do you keep them here and risk it? Decisions, decisions, decisions – what to do? What to do?" Shredder revelled in the turtle's desperate attempts to find some sort of hope to cling to or something that would tell him what was the truth and what was a lie…he couldn't tell right now. But he didn't have to decide; ninjas burst through into the apartment, weapons drawn and at the ready, waiting for a fight, "you take to long to make your decisions, Leonardo," Shredder sighed menacingly, "and now you will lose another family member because of your inability to decide."

"Never…" Leo snarled in a low voice, "We will beat you, Shredder, make no mistake about that."

"I don't make mistakes, young one. Unlike you, my mind is matured and the youthful foolishness and naivety are long gone, vanished with the blessing of wisdom."

"What wisdom do you possess, Shredder? My Sensei is wise – you are just conceited, believing yourself to have wisdom when really all you have is wild assumptions and threatening those whom you despise, blackmailing them – you have tact and malice, not wisdom – not of any sort."

"You useless fool," Shredder spat in the turtle's defiant face, sweeping Leo's feet out from underneath him, sending him crashing to the floor, "you dare speak to me like that? Now you will pay,"

"How can you possibly hurt me any more? You're taking away my family one by one and you don't give a damn – so how can you do any worse to me than destroy the one thing I value more than anything in this life?"

"You will see…HUN! Seize the youngest one – let us see how far Leonardo would let us go before he surrenders…"

"MIKEY!" Leo shrieked as his youngest brother was grabbed roughly from behind and Hun punched him in the side of the head, sending the orange-clad turtle reeling in pain, going dizzy and his vision blurring. Suddenly there were two of everything and Mikey could do nothing to help himself, temporarily dazed and at the mercy of Hun. April was helping Casey away, probably on Mikey's orders, and the two humans had not yet been seen. Leo tried to get to his brother but Shredder repeatedly blocked him and stopped him going any further. Hun was beating Mikey down over and over again; every time the turtle got an attack in edgeways Hun got in three more to make up for it, and Mikey didn't stand a chance.

"Shocked?" Shredder asked smoothly, sounding almost bored, "I took the liberty of training up my forces even further and now they are invincible – you will not beat them…not now, not ever, so I suggest you just give up,"

"NO, LEO, DON'T!" Mikey cried out, "DON'T LET HIM WIN!"

"Mikey…" Leo trailed off, facing another difficult dilemma. He could help his brother now by surrendering, but would Shredder let Mikey go or would he just kill both of them? Leo was confused, to put it mildly, and was fast losing the rational part of his mind that had always made him more responsible and less reckless than his other three brothers, especially more so than Raphael.

"Too slow, Leonardo," Shredder laughed as Hun bellowed and brought his foot down on Mikey's chest, several sickening crunches filling Leo's ears and causing him to gag. Mikey let out a blood-curdling scream that sliced the air. The youngest turtle writhed as he struggled to breathe.

"You cold-hearted---"

"Temper, temper," Shredder clamped a hand over Leo's mouth, hurriedly releasing the turtle moments later when Leo bit down on the unprotected part of the villain's hand, drawing a few specks of blood, though not any real damage, which Leo thought was a great shame indeed. Shredder roared and ordered his ninjas to disappear, leaving the baffled Leo, wounded Mikey and hidden April and Casey feeling lost and confused.

**A/N: -** Ok, there you go – review please! And here are the shout-outs for the last chapter: -

**Lioness Goddess: -** Oh, not this chapter – however, next chapter…um…yeah, you might wanna find some tissues or something happy to think of – shell of a lot of angst to come.

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**TMNTLover4Ever: -** Thanks so much for your review, and I will be sure to check out your stories!

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**BlueRaven****: -** Here's your update! Glad your enjoying it and hope you liked this chappie!

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**Digimon Girl: -** Short and sweet – thank you so much!

**Shadowflame611: -** I can't disclose anything too much – it could mean Mikey too, it could not….

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**Chibi**** Rose Angel: -** Awww, you're making me blush! And I quite agree, everyone on is so nice and especially in this category – I know it took me by surprise how many have been reviewing my stuff.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: -** Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry…and did I mention that I'm sorry? I really, really am! It's been far too long since I last updated! Anyway, I'm not going to bore you with a list of reasons why it's taken me so long; all you need to know is that I'm back on track and everything on the list (well, nearly) has been sorted! So you will not have to wait so long anymore! Thank-you to everyone who reviewed my last chapter for me! I hope you enjoy this one – and please review for me!

**15 YEARS EARLIER CONT'D…**

"Mikey?" Leo knelt by his youngest brother, "oh shell, not you too."

"I'm not going anywhere," Mikey's eyes opened and he smiled faintly, forcing out a painful laugh.

"Nowhere except home," Leo smiled back as April and Casey emerged, the latter with his arms around the shuddering April whom he was using as a vital support. It seemed he had regained some form of consciousness and was looking at Mikey with a distinct hurt in his eyes.

"Is he gonna be ok?" April asked quietly, her voice no more than a frightened whisper and her eyes filling with tears.

"But of course…" Mikey struggled to force another smile.

"You and Casey are coming with us back to the lair – it's not safe for you here," Leo told the humans – it was an order, not a request.

"How safe will we be there? They know where the lair is…they can find it…" Casey piped up; shaking with anger and the effort it took to stay upright.

"It will be safer there than here – at least then Splinter and myself can take care of you and we have all of Donnie's old medical equipment we can use." Leo trailed off at the thought of his younger brother, the first of them that had passed on because of his stupid mistakes and Shredder's heartlessness.

"Leo…" April placed a gentle hand on the turtle's shoulder and smiled warmly at him, still holding up Casey, "now, come on, pull yourself together – we can't dwell on the past any longer…we have to get Mikey and Casey back to the lair – and fast!"

"You're right – thanks, Ape," Leo picked his little brother up as he had done with Raph when he had been trying to get him back to the lair.

Getting home was a slow and difficult process and the journey was harder than any Leo had ever made before. But upon finally making it, no time was wasted in setting Mikey and Casey up with a bed and setting about getting the medical equipment set up. Leo was experiencing a strange feeling of déjà vu and it unnerved him. Casey had two cracked ribs and plenty of cuts and bruises, probably enough to last him a lifetime. But he would recover with only a few scars to show for it, which was a great relief to all around. However, Mikey, although in a relatively stable condition, has sustained injuries that were a far greater cause for concern. Leo sat in a bedside vigil, keeping a cold cloth pressed against Mikey's feverish forehead.

"My son," Splinter appeared at the door, his grey fur streaked with white and missing several whiskers on either side. There was a cloudy mist that glazed his eyes and he was walking slower and more carefully than usual, depending almost entirely on the walking stick; it was clear to Leonardo that his Sensei had not had much sleep lately and it was fast catching up with him.

"Master Splinter," Leo stood up and bowed, "We got April and Casey out but Mikey was wounded – I've done as much as I could and he seems to be improving slowly but surely," he explained.

"That is enough, my son; you are to now go and get some rest and I shall watch over your brother and shall speak with you later."

Leo entered the living room to find Casey asleep on the settee with April curled up on the floor next to him, holding tightly onto the man's hand which she held close to her tear-stained face. She was very drowsy, though not quite asleep, and spoke softly as Leo tip-toed past,

"Where are you going?" she yawned.

"Nowhere, April, just go to sleep, okay?" Leo sighed in response.

"Leo?" April tried again to get the turtle talking, "please…don't go out hunting for the Shredder – what good will that do any of us? It won't bring Donnie or Raph back and it certainly won't help Mikey or Casey heal any quicker. If anything, it will slow them down because they'll be worrying about you. So just stay here, yeah?"

"I can't, Ape, try to understand that!" Leo shut his eyes for a moment and re-opened them to see April stood right in front of him.

"You are going nowhere. You've never taken my advice before so why not try taking it now – you never know, it might do you some good to learn that you're not the only one your actions will affect and you're not the only one that is having their heart and their life slowly ripped in two by the Shredder and his gang." She scowled at the blue-clad turtle and defiant eyes met wild eyes as their gazes locked. Leo's jaw was set in grim determination,

"Tell Sensei I'm on a training run," he finally spoke in a low growl, "I'll be back in a couple of hours," and with that he turned and strode out of the lair, head high, his quest for revenge beginning.

As he leapt across the buildings of New York City, he had a strong sense of déjà vu – he had taken this route many a time when he needed to get away and train separately and more intensely to help him think. Feeling the wind fiddle with his bandana tails, causing them to whip across his face and shell, he knew he was not alone. Turning, he was confronted by the shadowy figure of the Shredder.

"Greetings, Leonardo,"

"Keep away from me, Shredder," Leo snarled back at the villain. Shredder cackled maliciously, "I mean it," Leo continued, "keep away from me and keep away from my family! You've killed two of them already – what more do you want?"

"_I've_ killed two of them? Oh no, Leonardo, you've assisted me both times."

"You lie…"

"Do I, Leonardo? What motive do I have for lying to you? None, whatsoever – I could kill you so easily," he examined his bladed helmet, which he had just removed, and raised an eyebrow, "although if you'd rather not know the real reason your youngest sibling is in such a state then so be it…" he turned and began to walk, very slowly, away from the blue-clad and now utterly baffled turtle.

"Wait!" he called; Shredder turned, "what do you mean 'the real reason'?"

"Ah, so now you'll listen to me? How amusing,"

"Just get to the point, Shredder,"

"This isn't my place to interfere – why don't you take this up with Mr. Jones…"

"Casey? Why, what has he got to do with any of this?" Leo inquired.

"If it wasn't for him interfering with my plans then I wouldn't have had to take them prisoner. He tried to take on the Foot Elite single handed and stop a simple robbery. I threatened to get you and your remaining brother involved if he refused to leave but it just didn't sway him."

"Why should I believe you?" Leo sneered, doubt thick in his voice and his eyes alert and wary, body tensing up and ready to fight.

"If it wasn't true then why would I have bothered to invade their meagre living quarters? What business do I have with them? I kill those who stand in my way and they are weak, pathetic excuses for human beings and they were never a dilemma – but you, Leonardo, have been a thorn in my side. Surely I wouldn't have wasted all this time lying to you when I could have just killed you if I didn't think you deserved some dignity and truth given to you." Shredder paused for a moment, knowing that his poison was working. At that moment, directly on cue, a scream was heard from the street below. Leo crossed to the edge of the building in three long strides and peered over the edge. There was no-one there; no doubt another of Shredder's tricks. He turned round to face the villain once more but he was gone. A small voice spoke inside his head,

"Leonardo – you must believe me – Mr. Jones even offered to join my side and assist me in killing you as long as I could guarantee his precious April's safety…"

"Liar," Leo spoke aloud, his voice wavering a little.

"Why else do you think we let the weasel live? We could have killed her – we were going to kill her…"

"No…NO!" the turtle screeched up at the night sky. The voice laughed, a vicious cackle, and was gone.

"Leo! What the hell were you doing out there? You could have been killed! And you really upset April – she's been worried sick! She's out looking for you at this very minute! So you'd better have a good explanation, dude, or else you've got me to deal with – and if anything happens to her then I'll – I'll -"

"Casey…" Leo growled, his mind a mess of information – no one thought clear and every one muddled and now accompanied by a torrent of doubt, fear or hatred.

"Uh, Leo?" Casey sat up on the sofa and eyed the turtle cautiously. There was a glint in his startlingly blue eyes that was boring straight through him; there was hatred in there – pure hatred and the human felt a flicker of fear. He guessed at once what must have happened, "the Shredder's corrupted you!"

"Corrupted me? Or just opened my eyes?" the turtle replied, his voice rough.

"Dude, you're starting to sound like Raph and you know it freaks me out when you do that!" Casey tried to force a faint laugh and reached for a hockey stick as Leo took a step forward and drew one of his katana, "Seriously, Leo, you're acting like a maniac and that ain't like you!"

"Don't bring my brother into this…" Leo snarled, "It's time for me to get my revenge…"

"Then you should be talking to Shredder, not me," Casey retorted, his blood beginning to boil, "get a grip, Leo, he's screwed you up in the head here – c'mon, you aren't seriously telling me you believe him, are ya?"

"I…I don't know any more, Casey," Leo's entire face darkened, "but what I _do_ know is that I could sort this altogether by getting rid of _both _of you!" he lunged forward and the human barely had time to lift his hockey stick before he was pierced, straight through the heart, with a katana blade. He spluttered and a high-pitched scream erupted behind Leo, who felt a blunt, heavy object hit him over the back of the head and slipped rapidly into unconsciousness, only vaguely aware of the fact that there was blood trickling from a gash on the back of his head, though he didn't think it was too serious. Anger still flowed, red hot, through his veins and he held no regret for his actions, convinced Casey was somehow to blame for everything.

Another terrified yell shocked him back into consciousness what must have been at least an hour and a half later. He glanced at the clock on the wall; one hour, forty three minute and fifteen seconds since he'd killed Casey, assuming he was dead. Leo scolded himself; of course he was dead – he'd been pierced right through with a katana blade. Pushing himself up onto his knees, he looked up and saw the limp body of Casey, the katana still embedded in his chest. Standing up shakily, he took hold of the handle and was about to remove the weapon from the man's body when a low voice stopped him in his tracks,

"Leave it."

"Yes, Master," Leo answered. _What? Where the shell did that come from? Master? Who?_ Leo turned round to face whoever had spoken and paled instantly, suddenly feeling distinctly unwell, _Shredder? No…he's not my Master – he – wait a minute,_ he turned back to Casey's dead body, _the rooftops, the conversation – HE CORRUPTED ME!_ He drew the katana from Casey's heart with one strong, smooth motion and threw a blanket over the man's body.

"You dare to disobey me?"

"You're not my master," Leo spoke uncertainly, still fighting the Shredder's grip on him with as much strength as he could muster.

"I believe you have just sealed the fate of this young lady – shame, really, she's such a fetching creature."

"Get your hands off me, you fiend! Let me go!" April yelped, kicking and clawing at the Shredder in a vain attempt to escape. He hoisted her up over his shoulders and half jumped, half ran out of the lair with a grace Leo had often thought impossible for the Shredder. He shook himself from his daze and gave immediate chase, eventually catching up with his nemesis in one of the abandoned sewer junctions where the four reptilian brothers had often played as youngsters, in spite of having been forbidden from going there. An incident crossed Leo's mind from when they were eight years of age and he'd been giving Mikey a piggyback while Donnie was given one by Raph. They were racing round the sewers when Leo had dropped Mikey in the very spot he was stood in now and the youngest turtle had sprained his wrist. April's petrified sobs brought him back to Earth with a bump and he drew his other katana upon seeing April tied up and Shredder keeping her in check with an iron grip on her neck.

"Let her go," he pointed a katana threateningly at the Shredder, resisting the urge to change arms as the blade he held up was coated in Casey's blood and it sickened the turtle to see it.

"You mustn't blame him for Mr. Jones' death, my dear," Shredder ignored the eldest turtle, "he was under my control, see? Although maybe it would have been more fun to let you die thinking he did it out of free choice. You know what I told Leonardo? I told him that when we threatened you your husband offered to join us and help kill him and his parasite brother along with that wretched rodent. How does that make you feel?"

"You lousy, no-good, son-of-a---" Shredder clamped his free hand over her mouth to silence her.

"Language, Mrs. Jones," he snickered venomously, "you must learn to hold your tongue. So how about we tell Leonardo what _really_ happened."

"April…I'm so sorry…" Leo choked on the words as the reality of what he'd done sank in and his energy drained from him. Mind clearing, he fell to his knees in exhaustion and helplessness.

"It's ok, Leo," April managed a shaky smile in spite of her current situation, "the truth is that when this scumbag," she emphasised the words carefully, "threatened to harm me, Casey offered _himself_ as a sacrifice…"

"That will do for explanations," Shredder interrupted, "feeling better, Leonardo?"

"You tricked me," the turtle stood up slowly, his voice an ominous growl.

"Yes, it would seem that way. Well, now that the air is clear between you two, how about I drop her – we've had rather a lot of rain recently and it's a dangerous whirlpool down there – do you like swimming, April, my dear?" Shredder addressed her in a sickly tone. April glowered at him and spat back in his face causing him to let out a beast-like roar and lift her up by her flaming red hair, "So be it…"

**A/N: -** Uh-oh, a nice cliff-hanger there for you! I did warn at the beginning that there would be a shell of a lot of darkness and death…Um…are we allowed shout-outs in again yet or not? Can someone please help me out here? I'm going to stay on the safe side for the moment and not put them in but if we're allowed to then can someone let me know? And even if we're not, I'd still love for you to review the story as I love reading them, and if you're signed in with then I'll reply to them via email!

Thank-you!


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: -** Well here's the next chapter of this story – a sad chapter, if I do say so myself, and I loved writing it as there's no violence. **Thank-you to everyone who's reviewed this story so far!** I love reading the reviews and they mean a lot to me – hope you like this and remember to review at the end of the chapter! Enjoy…

I'm sorry I haven't managed to write a Christmas special this year but I have a few ideas for an Easter special when it comes so hopefully that will make up for it…so without any further delay, here's my next chapter and I just want to say to everyone who's reading this: -

**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!**

**LEO'S POV – PRESENT TIME**

He dropped her. He let her go. Then he ran like the coward he is, not even feeling any remorse for what he'd done. He'd dropped April and sent her to her watery grave. I jumped in after her but I didn't reach her in time; I couldn't. I only found her body when it was washed up in an old sewer tunnel days later. I don't think she truly forgave me for Casey's death – but then even if she did, how could I ever forgive myself? But little did I know that Casey and April were not the last of the tragedies we were to face – why was it always us? Couldn't we just have a break, just once? Clearly that was impossible – I'd never seen the Shredder so desperate to rid himself and his gang of us.

It's pathetic; fifteen years on I am still so hung up about how ridiculously stupid I was back then to fall for the Shredder's mind games. Anyway, Mikey's condition improved dramatically and he soon began to walk around and start to do normal things again. But the sparkle was gone. He could never be a ninja or even practise again; it broke his heart. He always used to make jokes about how he hated practice and wanted to have some fun and a normal life for once but deep down he loved it – fighting alongside us, the four of us sharing our victories, losses, triumphs and defeats, both physically and mentally, in and out of battle.

After he was forced to give up, he used to sit and watch me train, every day, restless and longing to join me. Yes, that's right – he _used_ to do that. And no, that doesn't mean that he recovered…

**TEN YEARS EARLIER**

"Leonardo!" Splinter called from the living room.

"Yes, Sensei?" Leo ran out, heart skipping a couple of beats and endless possibilities running through his head as to why his Sensei needed him.

"How much more training have you got to do?"

"Another hour, Sensei, and then I thought I might go out for a run," he bowed to the rat, who nodded approvingly.

"My son, you will be needed back in here in one hour so you may have to leave the rest of the dojo-work today – it is your brother's birthday."

"But Mikey's birthday's not until---"

"I do not speak of Michelangelo," Splinter gave his son a knowing look.

"Donnie…" Leo lowered his head.

"Correct, my son, and we will be visiting his grave with his gifts as we have done every year since his death. We may also pay a quick visit to Raphael while we're there and perhaps to Mr. and Mrs. Jones,"

"Yes, Master Splinter."

"Good, my son – now, go and enjoy your run," Splinter sighed and hobbled back to his room for meditation. He still did the physical side of Ninjitsu but his elderly body was slowly overcoming him.

"Is that even possible?" Leo muttered to himself after Splinter had gone and he was left standing alone in the living room.

"Not without me, it isn't," Mikey grinned at him from the doorway of the kitchen.

"Mikey," Leo cringed – the sight of his brother no longer filled his heart with the warmth and optimism it once did. The youngest turtle was pale and weak, his breathing permanently heavy and his eyes cloudy and dull. He tried, shell how he tried, to keep his old comedic spark going, but his jokes had lost their meaning and he was rarely in the mood to use his prankster's imagination. Even at twenty-seven, nearly twenty-eight as he kept reminding Leo, his playfulness still remained inside him somewhere. But it was as if he had suddenly matured overnight on the day that Donnie and Raph were heartlessly killed by the Shredder. The eighteen-year-old carefree optimist he was back then had been locked away in the deepest, darkest part of his soul and a leaden pessimistic aura had settled itself around him, refusing to budge except for Birthdays, Christmas and the occasional Halloween when it would force its way back out for a day. It was on these days when he defiantly denied that anything was wrong with him and, instead of sitting silently during Leo's training like he usually would, he would be around and about, busying himself with all his favourite comics, television shows and the cooking of fantastic meals; either that or he would be making repeated attempts to join in with the training. Since they hadn't heard from the Shredder for five years and the Foot had practically disappeared, they had begun to piece their lives back together slowly but surely, bit by bit, not that they ever could get back to normal considering they had lost most of their family and had never really been a normal family in the first place.

"What?" the orange-clad turtle pouted, "Please let me come, Leo – I'll walk, I promise! I won't try to run,"

"Oh yeah?" Leo looked highly amused, "then how are you planning on keeping up with me?"

"We can both walk – oh, come on, Leo, don't be so up-tight about everything!" Mikey laughed lightly but stopped on seeing he'd hit a nerve, "sorry," he mumbled. Leo just turned and walked away, stopping only once he reached the door to the lair,

"Well? Are you coming or not?" he raised an eye ridge and smiled warmly at his younger brother.

"Yes! The Mikester hasn't lost his touch yet! I can't believe I'm in my twenties and my use of the 'aw factor' _still _hasn't worn off!" he walked quickly over to join his now frowning brother.

"The 'aw factor'?" he shook his head, "Michelangelo, you're a total maniac!"

"Why, thank-you, Leonardo, I will take that as a compliment," Mikey curtsied and held his hand up for a high five from his brother but only received a rolling of the eyes from the older turtle.

The two brothers took a gentle stroll through the dark tunnels of the sewers, not daring to go topside as Mikey wasn't capable of leaping from building to building anymore.

"I can't believe it's been so long since Donnie and Raph died…ten whole years…"

"I know," Leo sighed mournfully, his mind wandering to the faces of his younger brothers. The thought of how much pain they must have been in still hurt Leo and a sharp pang of loss shot through him. Mikey, catching a glimpse of his brother's expression, stopped walking. Leo turned sharply a couple of seconds afterwards, worry now the primary emotion in his eyes, "Mikey?" he asked quickly, "you ok? You want to go back – oh, I knew this was a bad idea – you're not strong enough for long walks and stuff anymore," Leo stumbled over his words, not making much sense.

"Leo," Mikey groaned, putting his hands on his brother's shoulders and trying to calm him down, "Leo!" he tried again when his brother didn't listen and began fussing over him and checking his pulse, "LEO!" Mikey yelled – the blue turtle looked up, "that's better; I'm _fine_, and I think I have more cause to be worried about you than you have to be worried about me. We've been walking slower and slower and are now at a snail's pace – I think I can handle it. But you, on the other hand…" he trailed off as he met his brother's gaze, "… oh shell," he whispered, "You still blame yourself for their deaths," it was a statement, not something that needed questioning. Leo broke their eye contact and turned on his heel, running back in the direction of the lair, leaving a shocked Michelangelo in his wake, debating what course of action to take.

Reaching the lair, exhausted and breathless, Leo dropped to his knees outside the door, head in his hands. His mind was blank but his heart was full of regret and bitterness, guilt and pain. About fifteen minutes passed and he heard quick footsteps heading his way. Panicking, he leapt to his feet and drew his katana, adopting a ready stance. But, to his horror, the figure that jogged round the corner was that of Michelangelo.

"Mikey!" Leo's katana fell from his hands, clattering on the hard, stone floor.

"Had to…catch up with…you…" Mikey gasped, clutching his chest.

"Mike, you know you're not allowed to run!"

"I'm fine, Leo," Mikey's words tumbled from his mouth in a breathless muddle.

"Fine, my shell!" Leo muttered, "C'mon, we'll get you inside."

"Leo, let me go!" Mikey struggled free of his brother's support, "I can manage! I'm not nearly as weak and vulnerable as you think I am! We're not kids anymore, Leo – you have to stop this ridiculous protectiveness of me! You're supposed to be my brother, not a mother hen!" Mikey was slowly getting his breath back.

"But…"

"Hush, Leo, and just give it a rest." Mikey walked unsteadily back into the lair, flopping onto the sofa once he reached the living room. Leo, however, remained outside the lair's door, slowly bending to pick up his katana, and just staring after his brother.

The next few hours passed and soon the turtles and Splinter found themselves trudging up a hill outside the farmhouse towards the graves of their deceased brothers and those of Casey and April. Splinter was at Donnie's grave first, leaving Mikey and Leo trailing behind, slowing down a little to give their father time with his second-youngest son. When they saw him move off, Leo ushered Mikey forward, silently telling him to go first in wishing their brother a happy birthday while he hung back and gazed out at the view from the hill.

Kneeling by Donnie's grave, Mikey bowed his head and spoke softly in a tone of voice only Donnie would have understood,

"Hey, bro – Happy twenty-eighth birthday – shell, we _are_ getting old…remember when we used to dream of the days where we would be adults and able to do anything and everything; invincible, with nothing that could stand in our way. We were supposed to do it as brothers…grow old together as the team we've always been. And I know that, really, you are still here, in a sense, and I know you can hear every word I'm saying to you…but it doesn't make the pain hurt any less. Bro, you did more for me than anyone I've ever known – and on your birthday it all seems so much more significant – and now you still continue to watch over us. But I need your help…it's Leo – he's suffocating me and I can't stand it. I _know_ I'm not up to a lot of the stuff I used to be able to do, but that doesn't mean I'm totally incapable. I can still do a lot of normal stuff, but he's fussing over me as if I'm still fifteen and as you have all grown up I have been left behind…he doesn't want to lose me, and I appreciate that, but if you could keep an eye on him and try and tell him, if it's even possible for you to do that, that you will look out for me and I don't need the ceaseless concern and degrading babysitting. I guess this hasn't been a cheerful birthday…" he trailed off and looked around as he heard footsteps behind him. He turned to see Leo, pale and drawn, his eyes glassy and his mouth quivering,

"Hey…" he spoke softly, and Mikey knew Leo had heard at least a little of what had been said,

"I'm nearly done," Mikey's voice cracked, but he turned back to Donnie's grave and read the inscription aloud, "_In loving memory of Donatello; brother, warrior and above all a friend; truly one of the kindest souls ever to exist and a genius whose spark was never extinguished. He will be sorely missed – now and always…"_ he stopped and pulled out a small package from his trench coat pocket, "Happy Birthday, my brother," he smiled gently as he slowly unwrapped a beautiful and detailed painting of Donnie seated at his desk, looking older and wiser, frowning over a mechanical error in the Battle Shell, yet with a strange aura of peace about him and a faint white glow and slightly translucent quality to him, "it's you as I imagine you to be now, as you watch over us. We'll be back soon…" he stood slowly, stumbling but quickly regaining his balance, turning to face Leo once more, "Your turn," he sighed, sounding weary.

Leo waited until Mikey was safely out of earshot before he spoke with his brother,

"Firstly, I heard what Mikey said…and I need to know he's ok…I will try and lay off him if you promise me that you and Raph between you will take care of him as I can't, from wherever you are and without seeming over-protective. I can't help it…I've already lost you and Raph, I can't lose Mike too – It would kill me. But then at least we would all be together again. I wonder, Donnie, I wonder every day if there was something I could have done to save you, or at least ease your pain. You always told me that not everything was my fault and that I couldn't save everyone from their problems and their fates, but a part of me ever failed to believe you. Splinter is getting weaker every day and soon I fear it will be only me and Mikey who remain and I fear we shall fall apart. But I will keep this short, as I am certain you don't want to hear my pathetic ramblings on your birthday! Twenty-eight – my little brother is finally twenty-eight – I never thought I'd live to see this day after several of our battles, but then I never dreamed you would leave us so suddenly and so early on. I guess there are some things you can't change…you can only stand by and watch as everything falls apart in front of you and, in spite of your best efforts, you can do nothing to halt the ever accelerating pace of life and its pitfalls. But through all the darkness, there are ones such as you who would never hurt a soul unless they truly deserved it – and without you, the world has become a worse place in my eyes. Happy Birthday, bro; I don't have a present for you but I have something else," he opened his balled fist and opened up a crumpled piece of paper, "you'll remember this, I am sure," he laid the paper down, weighted by a stone, and turned away, tears in his eyes, and began the slow walk along to Raph's grave, a little further away, where Mikey was talking quietly to Splinter. He glanced backwards and saw the wind sweep through the long grass, "I love you, bro," he whispered to the wind, secure in his faith that Donnie could hear him.


	6. Chapter 6

_ "Happy Birthday, bro; I don't have a present for you but I have something else," Leo opened his balled fist and opened up a crumpled piece of paper, "you'll remember this, I am sure," he laid the paper down, weighted by a stone, and turned away, tears in his eyes, and began the slow walk along to Raph's grave, a little further away, where Mikey was talking quietly to Splinter. He glanced backwards and saw the wind sweep through the long grass, "I love you, bro," he whispered to the wind, secure in his faith that Donnie could hear him. _

**A/N: -** Ok, firstly, the paragraph above it the last little bit of the previous chapter when Mikey, Leo and Splinter visited the graves of Raph and Donnie. After the chapter you are about to read, there are going to be two more chapters. Sorry again for all the lateness but I've just finished performing as Aladdin (in Aladdin, funnily enough) with my local drama group and this is my first night in for just over a month! Anywho, **thank-you**, as always, to my reviewers for being so patient with me! Enjoy…

Beginning the long trek down from the graves, the two brothers and their master walked in silence, eyes fixed straight ahead and senses glazed over with sorrow. They had nothing they could say, or would want to say, that could express just what they were feeling at the moment they had stepped away from their brother's graves. As Leo recorded in his diary later that day, '…_the closest I could come to describing it is this: When we were born, we were split into four – one soul, four bodies, each showing a different part of this soul – Raph was the strength, Donnie was the peace, Mikey is the hope and I am the determination with Splinter being the force that joins us together…love…and as we grew older we each developed in our separate ways but the bond always remained and was getting stronger every day. When Donnie died, that night on the rooftops, we lost our peace (of both mind and body) and a part of us was ripped savagely from us; then when we lost Raph, we lost our strength – the strength to fight, to carry on, to dream, to be normal – we lost the strength to live. When we reached the graves, it was like we were connected with them again – we became whole, just for a few minutes…and when we took that first step back down the hill we were split again and the wound was re-opened and the scars burned afresh…'_

There was nothing to be said when they got back to the sewers either; Splinter locked himself in his room to meditate, Leo locked himself in his room to write in his diary and Mikey locked himself in his room and flicked through dog-eared editions of comics he had long forgotten. Only Leo emerged from his room that night for a rigorous training session – his aching limbs screaming at him as he attempted katas from happier times where Ninjitsu training was the most important thing they had to worry about, besides whether Shredder would be returning any time soon, of course.

Leo's thoughts were wandering and he was hurting more than he had in a long time – memories were plaguing his conscience and prickling at his soul, trying to force their way back to the front of his mind and making futile attempts to wrench his strength, emotional and physical, from him. But he was too absorbed in his training and more than lost in a world where all was white and silver, with a tint of blue. In his mind, he was walking through this land when he came to two large gates: a black, wrought-iron monster with claws and fangs that threatened to skewer those who dared challenge it; and a small, humble, rust edged iron gate which was friendly and welcoming. Looking past each gate he saw two roads, running alongside each other, criss-crossing, this way and that, eventually meeting to form one road. Remembering many stories from his infancy, he knew that the friendlier looking road would most likely turn out to have the greater peril, so he stepped through the large gate. That's when it hit him – something so devastatingly real that it tore his wits from him and snapped him out of his daze.

Letting out an agonising screech, Leonardo fell to the floor, banging on it with balled fists and crying out for justice. But they were cries only he could hear. The dream had been almost like a vision; as his body melted into the rhythmic movements of his katas his spirit wandered and saw what would ultimately happen to his family…he had seen his own fate and that of his remaining brother – but he was too late to act.

Next morning when Splinter appeared in the kitchen to join Leo, who was already clutching a large mug of coffee, for breakfast, one member of the family did not arrive. Mikey remained in his room, writing a letter to be found in years to come when the last of them remained and he was long gone. There was a distinct feeling in his gut that was telling him who would be the last member of their family standing and he had a few things to say to them that he wanted them to know – things he wanted to happen, to be remembered, before the last of them passed on. He could feel his body crying out for peaceful slumber but there was an urgency in his mind telling him that if he gave in to his body's will, he would not finish this letter – he would not finish his business. Upon finishing it, he folded it carefully and placed a tattered photo in an envelope with it, carefully sealing it and addressing it to who it concerned. Letting out a weary sigh, he then stood and slowly unlocked his bedroom door, but left it closed. Crawling onto his bed, he allowed a restful sleep begin to overtake him – he lost all sense of time and felt as though he were floating above even the highest cloud, like he was dancing among the stars. Even the faint voices sobbing and the echo of frantic pleas in a distant land could not bring him back down. As all went black, a cold fear overtook his body and he couldn't breathe. What seemed like hours later, his eyes opened to two faces he'd longed to look upon for many years – two more faces appeared in his line of vision and a hand was extended to help him up. He looked down at himself and saw not the frail, weakened state he had been in moments before but instead a body reborn with a new strength. All thoughts of past horrors were momentarily erased until he heard another grief-stricken cry from somewhere behind him and he looked back, taking a small step away from those whose company he was now in.

"Don't look back…" a gentle voice spoke.

"Come back to us…" a harsher, pained voice sobbed at the same time. Mikey closed his eyes and squeezed them shut, whispering to the hurt voice that was now echoing deep inside his head,

"I'm sorry…"

**LEO'S POV – PRESENT**

His last words to us were needlessly uttered – he did us no wrong, save for not coming back to us. I knew it would happen – I saw it, I saw it all in my head and yet I couldn't bring myself to accept it. The blow of losing Mikey hit us hardest out of all our losses so far. I have no doubts that this was because we'd shared our grief with him and I knew I still had a brother that would live as long as me, give or take a few years. Then I had the vision and was rendered powerless with terrible knowledge – and Splinter would not be around forever, as dear to my heart as he was, and I knew that I would outlive him by a matter of years, alone in the world with nobody else to turn to, save for the meek voices in my head telling me to stop trying to defy fate and just give up.

I would never yield to fate's desires: they are like the gates in my…vision, I suppose it has the right to be called that…you can take the easy road and get to the end quickly only to suffer a worse fate when you are there; or you can take the long road and weave in and out of fate's plans until you end up in the same place as it was intended for you to be – but with more strength to face whatever is in store at the end. _That_ is the road I chose to take – and, knowing I could switch at any time, I have stuck to it and only now do I reach the end. Older, wiser, stronger, more determined and stubborn than ever I have been before. And I shall finally see my brothers again...

But do not assume that I arrived here without torment – I suffered another great loss not long after I lost my precious baby brother. Master Splinter died of grief for his youngest son, my brother, friend to all, Michelangelo – and his tortured soul would not free the elderly body of its sorrow until all had been forgiven. Splinter had to accept Mikey's last words instead of lingering on them as he did…sound complicated? Yes, it was, and it finished him all the more slowly – well, that and the fact he didn't want to leave me alone, stupid as it may sound, because I would be the last…

He explained, many years ago now, about how he had always hoped that when he passed on we would look after each other. I know, from eavesdropping and something Raph told me a long time ago that Splinter had spoken to him and said that should something happen to him, I would be in charge but he wanted Raphael to keep an eye on me and look after me if something ever went drastically wrong or I started beating myself up over something. I think Raph drew the short straw there, huh? I miss them all so terribly now and sometimes I find myself feeling so alone that I just want it to end – except it won't. It's like there's one more thing I have left to do…but I can see nothing, as is so often the case and as I have been told in my head over and over by the mocking voices of those responsible for the deaths of those I loved more than life itself.

But I digress...

**EIGHT YEARS EARLIER**

Splinter shuffled into the living room, where his eldest, and only remaining, son was sat, staring at a blank television which was coated in dust from having not been watched for over eighteen months. Now thirty, and having lost almost his entire family, Leonardo often sat in this manner, just watching as if he expected Michelangelo to suddenly be sat beside him flicking through the channels in a ceaseless search for all his favourite programmes, which were mainly cartoons, even at the last!

"My son, I am weary and must retire," Splinter sighed deeply, his lined and worn face showing the pain and suffering he could not, and would not, ever express in words and actions. He knew all too well that his time was coming soon but could not bear to leave his one remaining son alone in the world in the state he was currently in; barely eating, barely sleeping and speaking only when spoken to – his guilt eating him up inside.

"Yes, Sensei," Leo replied blankly, not even turning to the rat when he spoke, his voice soft and heavy with guilt and sorrow.

"Goodbye, Leonardo," Splinter left the room, knowing that he would not last out the night. The grief inside him was like a battering ram, hitting him harder and faster every time it rammed mercilessly into his frail elderly frame and his grief-stricken mind. The loss of his youngest son had been a blow he had by no means been ready for, in spite of the all-knowing mask he wore in front of Leonardo, and it had been the final straw in the destruction of his family – yes, he still had his eldest son but Leo had died long ago; at least, the Leo he had been since birth had died long ago.

In his room, Splinter reflected on his own spiralling deterioration; after the deaths of Raph and Donnie, he had been mortally wounded, and the demise of April and Casey left him too weak to handle any more and Mikey's death had struck the final blow. He sat in the lotus position on his bed and whispered,

"My master, Master Yoshi, I have done all I can here – three of my sons are dead and as dearly as I love the other, I feel that he is not long for this world. His guilt and new-found self-hatred will kill him. Please protect him and guide me to my sons – they need me and I must reach them. I know now that I must accept my fate gracefully and rejoin you and my family at the end of this, my final journey."

"Master Splinter? Who are you talking to, Sensei?" Leo stepped cautiously into the room, confused by the hushed speaking he had heard as he'd passed his Sensei's bedroom. Seeing Splinter in the lotus position, he assumed that the rat was meditating and turned to leave. But something pulled him back and a dagger twisted in his heart, telling him that what he had most dreaded would happen, what he had feared since the day they had first encountered the Shredder, was true at last.

He was alone.

**A/N: -** This particular chapter was originally a lot longer but as I re-read it I realised that actually Mikey's death was one I didn't want to milk out – I don't know if you'll agree or not – but I felt that his death was one that worked more effectively as a shorter death where he has featured so much in the story and his actual death was meant to be a sudden one. But don't panic, Mikey fans, you can expect a reappearance – I'm saying no more here! Please Review!


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: -** Another long wait and another serious failure on my part as far as quick updates are concerned. Just to refresh your memories, Mikey and Splinter are now also dead – everybody is dead and Leo is alone. Also, to clarify for one or two understandably confused reviewers, Splinter died of old age – it's more the fact he died when Leo had nobody else in the world that is significant. As for Mikey, back in April's apartment, after Raph and Donnie had died, Shredder was beating Mikey about (Chapter 3) and it is made known that he 'sustained injuries that were a far greater cause for concern' (Chapter 4) – his health had been deteriorating ever since, although Leo, not being a doctor, never really found out what happened. Don't worry! I will make sure I explain it a little more in my Epilogue, which shall be occurring very soon!

**LEO'S POV – PRESENT TIME**

I wish I had ended it, there and then – I should have ended it – I should have let myself die.

Confused?

Allow me to explain…

I was so angry, so hurt, when I realised that Master Splinter was dead, that I trashed the lair – I wrecked everything; I smashed the crockery, bent the cutlery, splintered the tables, cracked the television screen, put my fists through the doors, my feet through the delicate sliding screen separating Splinter's room from the rest of the lair, ripped pages out of books and magazines, threw comics and laboratory equipment at the walls, pulled down the punching bag, shredded the bed linen, cut through pipes and furnishings with my katana, knocked ornaments off of shelves and pictures off of walls…you name it, I wrecked it.

And you know what?

I loved every minute of it!

I was so desperate to find solace and comfort in somebody but there was no-one – and it made me angrier than I have ever been before. I have never lost my temper quite like that before and all the anger and betrayal and guilt and sadness that had been building up in me for all those years was finally seeping out through every pore in my body and I was drowning in it.

From there onwards, it was a dramatically fast downhill slide.

**ONE YEAR EARLIER**

Leo stared wistfully at the photograph before him; the cracked glass from where he'd knocked it off the shelf just after Splinter's death had been crudely repaired, like many of the ornaments in the lair that had been smashed that day, with a mixture of sellotape and glue. He buried his head in his hands and tried to block out the memories of carnage and death that plagued his every waking moment. He no longer had time for meditation or training – his soul could not take it and his body was exhausted from years of pushing himself to the limit in a futile attempt to keep himself from going insane.

"Bro?" a familiar voice spoke from behind him; whipping round, he saw his younger brother, Donatello, standing before him.

"No, Donnie, not again," Leo mumbled, almost incoherently, "stop doing this."

"You killed us, Leo – it was _your_ choices that killed us. Master Splinter always said that it's not fate that controls our lives, but our choices – our paths are dictated through our choices – and your choices got us all killed."

"No, Donnie…you lie; that's not true…it can't be true," Leo shook his head, clutching his temples.

"Oh, but it is, Leonardo – you know it," his brother's bandana began to stain red with blood as wounds opened and bled all over Donatello's olive-green body. Leo, shocked and almost retching, looked to the floor immediately, unable to meet his bloodied brother's glassy eyes. But even as he looked at himself, he saw wounds identical to those of Donnie opening on his own trembling limbs and pouring crimson blood onto the concrete floor, spreading out in the cracks of the floor and forming a message...

_Because Of You…_

"No…" Leo muttered, bewildered.

"Wrong answer," an evil, malicious, gruff voice echoed around the lair and into his head.

"Leave me alone, Raph,"

"I would if I could, Leo, believe me," Raph snorted disdainfully as he landed in front of Leo, "but ya see, bro, I got nobody to avenge my death, so I gotta do it myself."

"Shredder killed you, not me." Leo protested feebly.

"He may have killed me, but it was your fault…you caused it – you should have been more alert, Leonardo. After all, aren't ninjas supposed to be always aware of their surroundings? Just think, Leo – if you'd noticed just that little bit sooner then you might have been able to save me. How does that make you feel, Leo? How does it make you feel?"

"I didn't mean to, it wasn't me!" Leo was on his knees now and Raph was towering over him, his ghostly pale skin and scarred body a painful reminder of the night he had died.

"How does it make you feel to know you brought all of this on yourself? Enlighten me, bro, how can you live wi---"

"---STOP! STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE!" Leo cried out, sobbing into his hands, "Leave me alone…please…just go…leave me alone…I'm sorry…so sorry…please…"

Leo's eyes snapped open as he awoke in a cold sweat, feeling completely drained with his muscles aching. He sat bolt upright and held his arms in front of his face checking them anxiously for scratches before leaping to his feet and looking across the floor for any blood-stains.

"Nothing…" Leo frowned, his eye ridges knotting together and the lines in his face becoming more pronounced, "What the shell?" he shook his head in confusion for a few moments before sighing, "another dream – just another nightmare…like my life…"

Later in the day, Leo finally pulled his shattered nerves together and decided to take a walk in the sewers to clear his head. Nine nights out of ten since Splinter had died, Leo had been having nightmares that tore his heart from his body and shredded it in front of his very eyes – and the graphic scenes of violence that played over in his head were like a broken record; over and over and over and over and over again until it sent his senses reeling. And the final push was yet to come. He was to see something he never thought he'd see again.

A knock at the door sent him leaping three feet into the air.

Leo remained silent, unwilling to reveal his presence to whoever was outside. Creeping cautiously towards the door, he tried to listen for something that could give him a clue as to who had found the lair. All his family and friends were dead and nobody else knew that anyone lived in the abandoned subway station. Leo drew a katana in preparation and opened the door, only to receive a sharp blow to the face which knocked him backwards and onto the floor. He looked up and saw an old foe standing before him.

"Shredder," he hissed.

"Ah, so you still remember me, Leonardo," Shredder's voice had clearly become harsher over the years.

"I thought you would have given up on killing me a long time ago,"

"Quite the contrary, mutant freak, quite the contrary – I have merely been trying to formulate a plan to kill you as slowly as possible. Your senses and your mind are shutting down, Leonardo – you know that as well as I do – and you won't be around much longer if I'm not very much mistaken."

"You know nothing," Leo spat back.

"Again, I hate to rain on your parade, but once again you seem to have underestimated me – I am not as mentally challenged as you seem to think." Shredder tipped his head back and cackled. He took a step forward and then jumped over Leo, kicking him from behind and sending the turtle sprawling.

"Are you…going to kill me?" Leo asked as he gasped for breath.

"No, Leonardo, I am not going to kill you," Shredder replied with a worryingly amused expression on his face, "your grief and your guilt will tear you apart and you know it deep down."

"Never," Leo retorted almost immediately, his slight hesitation giving Shredder more ammunition.

"I see that you hesitate – your old spark that caused me to loathe you all those years ago, the determination you held to protect your family that kept my hatred of you raw, your refusal to join me when I gave you the chance letting my rage fester and worm it's way deep into my soul – everything that left me defeated time and time again is so faint that I feel no threat, and I have no doubts that I could kill you if I chose to…so, Leonardo, your life truly is in my hands and my hands alone. Alone – a word I know you shudder to hear, and yet it is a word that describes your current predicament so explicitly that it seems a shame not to leave you a constant reminder…" Shredder drew his sword and raised it above Leo's head. The turtle cringed a little, but not so much that Shredder could see it and draw any satisfaction from the glimmer of fear that the blue-banded turtle was showing.

Leo readied himself for the fatal blow, no strength left within him to fight back, and he was relieved. Relieved that, after all the long years he'd spent pining for his family to be as one again, he would finally get his wish. But the blow never came. Risking a look upwards, Leo's eyes widened. Shredder was still towering over him, laughing, with his sword still raised. He brought it down at that moment, swinging it to the side at the last minute so that it struck the edge of Leo's shell, taking a small chunk out of it. He raised it once more, this time cutting several thin lines in the turtle's right arm. He raised his sword for the final time, but this time it wasn't to strike; this time as he brought it down, he let off a smoke bomb and disappeared, leaving a bewildered and confused Leonardo spluttering and coughing in his wake.

"Get back here and fight, Shredder…" Leo choked out, angry at himself for not taking the opportunity to kill the villain once and for all when he'd had the chance. There was no reply, the villain long gone from the lair, and Leo hauled himself to his feet and staggered over to the sofa, flopping down on it and groaning as the cuts on his arm stained the cushions with blood. Frowning, he looked down at his arm, shocked to see that one word had been skilfully carved into his skin with a blade: -

_Alone_

Shuddering, Leo pulled a blanket off the back of the sofa and wrapped it around himself, careful not to stain it with blood, and stared at the word on his arm, which was steadily oozing blood; he let the crimson flow until it blurred the word, the reminder, making it invisible to the naked eye. Sighing, he then stood up and shuffled to the kitchen, dampening a cloth and pressing it to his arm to staunch the bleeding. Although it would take a lot more than a damp cloth and bandages to staunch the bleeding of the words that had been etched into his heart,

_It is my fault…_

**A/N: -** One more chapter to go…please review for me! And thank-you so much for all the reviews I've had so far!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: -** Ok, everyone, this is the final chapter of this story. I hope you've enjoyed reading it – well, enjoyed it as much as possible considering the morbidity of the content…I know this has been a challenge for me to write as I'm so used to happy endings. But this time I wanted to end with something slightly different – so the plot with Leo goes through and then I had a little extra on the end – which, to be honest, had a lot more graphic detail but I felt it wasn't effective so I shortened it. Also, at the end of this chapter, you will find a preview for a brand new story. There are two in the pipeline at the minute, one of which has been in the pipeline for ages but I want to perfect it, the other of which I have had in my head for the past few weeks. Anyway, enough rambling – Read, review and help me to see this story off with a bang!

**LEO'S POV – PRESENT TIME**

And I still bear the scars from that encounter with the Shredder – the word 'alone' is still legible on my right arm, albeit growing fainter each year as my own life dwindles and I come closer to not being on my own anymore. Now I just wait; every second feeling like several millennia, a lifetime of guilt and despair is coursing through my body with every small movement.

I wonder what's on the other side…

Of death, I mean – I wonder if they'll be there, waiting for me, as I have waited to be re-united with them for all these long and lonely years. Or will I be stuck in-between two worlds until my soul is at peace? And what if I am left swirling through a vortex of flames and humiliation? What if I am forced to wander the Earth for all eternity, a mere shadow of warning to those who live their lives consumed by guilt at having not avenged their families' deaths?

All this is to be discovered in a matter of hours – it is close now, I can feel it. Its icy fingers are reaching out to pull me through the murky borders between the worlds of the living and dead. It is almost like a dream, where I'm drifting through a featureless landscape, in a daze, until I reach a cliff-edge – I stop, I stare, I remember. And I know that one day I will go over the edge I am stood on. Back then, I could never fathom when that would be. Several times have I contemplated the matter, unbeknownst, for the most part, to my beloved brothers, but I have never had the guts to go through with it – my competitive streak runs too strong in me to allow that too happen. I could never stand by and watch somebody else win at something I could easily beat them in.

I look around me now and I see only hatred and memories of things I would rather not be reminded of: the world has been tainted. The world has been tainted by a black fog, thicker than it is possible for fog to be on this Earth, and I now see everything in a new light. The world is cruel and there are many harsh realities that you never see or face until you are just moments from death – and by that time it is too late to put right all the wrongs and make an effort to lift the fog that you know will eventually consume all of mankind and, inevitably, every other living creature on the planet, from the highest sycamore and the great barrier reef, down to the smallest field-mouse and the tiniest seed. All would be devoured in an unending, undying blackness – and to know that you could have been a light, however faint, in that blackness and save at least one soul from that terrible fate is indeed a horrifying notion.

My breathing is slowing now…and I'm back on the cliff-edge, staring into the bleak unknown. Years upon years of hurting, of being trapped inside my own vicious circle of self-guilt, my rollercoaster of life that has looped the loop one too many times, the final curtain at the theatre in my head, the end credits of the movie that plays in my mind – all the emotions I have experienced during my thirty-eight years of mortal life are flooding over me at once, like waves breaking upon a shore, and all is becoming clear like never before. There have been times when I thought I understood and everything suddenly clicked into place; and although that may have been the case at the time and I managed to save another from their suffering or to realise my own stupid mistakes, the guilt and the memories always remain.

If I was to go back, rewind the clock, I would let myself speak out about my feelings more often. For me it was too late and although I could talk about my mistakes and sufferings of the past and it appeared I had gotten over them, I never really did. I am thankful, at least, that my brothers and my Sensei are not here to hear me admit that. They knew that the issues remained to some extent but I don't think they ever realised just how deeply embedded into my soul they were and just how many times my spirit had almost been broken…unless they were unlucky enough to find me in such a state, which I am glad to say has only happened once and I am truly sorry for it.

Of the four of us, me and my brothers, Raph and I were the two who didn't wish to be seen crying. If people saw us crying, they knew better than to ever bring it up again without a justified cause; and no, that does not include emotional blackmail, in spite of what Mikey may have told you…were he still alive…it's re-assuring that even in my last moments, and throughout any periods in which one of my family were down and out for whatever reason, the thoughts and words of Mikey, my youngest brother, always bring a smile to the face of whoever needs it most.

I wonder who will meet me…Donnie, perhaps, or maybe Raph or Mikey – maybe even Casey, April or Splinter…it's an intriguing thought, that's for certain, but death, although it does not scare nor phase me, is not a thought I relish, for I think, deep down, I truly believed that I would kill Shredder before my time was up – but we are all servants of fate as far as death goes and each of us has a given time. It's almost unnerving to think about the possibility that Donnie could have seen mine, Raph, Mikey, Splinter, Casey and April's deaths before any of us realised what was happening. But it is not a thought I would dismiss entirely…

Everything is growing so cold…

So dark…

The pain is blinding me now…only a few moments…then I can rest…

My biggest regret…?

….To answer honestly, I have no regrets, as such – had I been asked only minutes ago, I would have been able to give you many, but now I see that there is no regret once you have come this far – for I have learned much from my mistakes and only now do I see the benefit…

The light is fading…

Another soul is gone from this world – and none shall ever know…

The death rattle escaped Leo's broken body and his spirit was released from its leaden shackles at last. He felt his soul lifting from his body and a huge weight was lifted from his mortal shoulders; all the physical pain and suffering was over, although a great deal of mental anguish still remained. He felt himself spinning, round and round, until he was disorientated. He could just about make out the blurry outlines of the lair and his lifeless body. As all conscious feeling began to leave him, he lost all sense of time and space, falling only into a void, a deep and dark hole that was calling out for him.

"Leonardo…" the chilling whisper reached up for him, "Leonardo…join me…"

"Who are you?" Leo's voice sounded hollow, even to him, and he knew that he was being drawn into a world of fires and endless pain – this was to be his final test, it seemed.

"You need not know who I am, only that I am your ally and wish for your eternal allegiance…"

"Never," Leo hissed, trying to grasp onto some sort of memory of his mortal life, to pull him back from the abyss.

"No-one can save you now…" the harsh laughter of whoever the voice belonged to filled the growing cavern around Leo and he began to feel a cold that pierced through him, to his very soul. Looking down at himself, he barely recognised his own body – pale and drained of colour, taking on almost a crimson tint – crimson like blood. He felt himself slipping, and with nothing to hold on, he found it increasingly harder to fight back.

"Leo," a soft voice echoed from far away.

"Donnie?" Leo looked up and saw an olive green hand reaching for him, "Donnie, help me!" he pleaded.

"I can't, Leo – only you can help yourself now. The only reason you cannot free your soul from this torment is because you have yet to forgive yourself for all that has happened – you still blame yourself, Leo, I know you do – and that is what is keeping you from us…you have to forgive yourself!"

"I…I can't, Donnie – I killed you, all of you – if it hadn't been for me then you would have lived…"

"Not true, Leo," a gruffer voice responded. Raph had appeared next to Donnie; both were pale, spectres of what they had once been, but they still retained some colour, "You tried to save me – you almost got yourself killed but you didn't care. It was my choice to stop fighting, Leo. There was nothing you could have done."

"He's right, bro, and it was kinda the Shredder's fault that I moved on," Mikey's lighter tones filled the space around Leo, almost seeming to warm the air, "And besides, none of us ever blamed you for what happened."

"What about Casey and April?" Leo shot back at them, now losing sight of his brothers and swirling deeper into the void, "You can't tell me that wasn't my fault!"

"Leo, please don't do this!" Donnie called back. His voice was further away now and Leo could barely hear him, "If you don't realise the truth then nobody can help you!"

"It's too late, Donnie, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Leo screeched the last few words at the top of his lungs, turning it into a blood-curdling howl of pain and despair as he lost all awareness of his surroundings.

But as his eyes closed, a light seemed to shine at the end of a long tunnel and Leo stepped towards it. He could barely move his feet and every step required everything he had; he fought his way forward, desperate to reach his brothers, desperate not to lose them again. He was in the tunnel and the walls were closing in. Squeezing his eyes shut, he could hear Raph's voice inside his head – his eyes snapped open as his brother spoke to him.

"Trust me, bro, and go where your instincts tell you…" Raph's ghostly form seemed to brush against Leo, moving past him and towards the light for a few seconds before fading into the darkness.

"Come on, Leo, you've come through for us a million times before, and I know you will again," Donnie stepped out of the shadows and spoke to the confused and bewildered Leonardo before merging with the shadows, ally of the ninja, once more.

"Please don't leave us again, bro – we need you now more than ever. We don't want to lose you again, as I'm sure you don't want to lose us."

"I'm trying…but it's too hard," Leo replied through gritted teeth, taking a few more faltering steps towards the light.

"My son, you must focus – I am proud of you, Leonardo, and have always been proud of you. But you must endeavour to make me proud one more time, as you always used to endeavour to do, and you must return to us. Come home…" Splinter's voice sounded inside the darkest depths of Leo's head and he let out a cry, which rebounded off the walls and echoed through the tunnel. He pushed himself forwards and began to find it easier and easier to move. He could feel the guilt of thirty-eight years washing over him like a heavy rain, falling to the ground and shattering, blending with the Earth and cleansing him. He kept moving and as he neared the light, he felt a burst of warmth inside him, extinguishing the cold of a thousand winters and letting him move freely. He made the final leap towards the light, breathing in the fresh air of freedom. As he staggered forwards, exhausted, he felt a pair of strong arms catch him and he looked up, only to be embraced by Raphael, who was followed suit by Donatello and Michelangelo, Casey and April, and finally by Master Splinter. Letting himself soar, Leonardo could see below all of the hatred, pain, guilt and sorrow he had been bottling up for so long rushing down into the winding tunnel and swirling canyon of the abyss from which he'd just emerged. In the far-off distance, he heard soft singing and a voice from inside his soul,

"Be at peace, Leonardo – leave your past behind…"

**FIFTY-TWO YEARS LATER**

The water splashed around his feet as he ran through the sewers, panting heavily as he tried to escape the police that were ruthlessly hunting him down. He was a convict, escaped from prison and on the run, having been imprisoned for the murder of a local scientific genius and also for the breaking and entering into a laboratory owned by said genius. Reaching a large metal door, he pounded his fists against it, hearing the angry voices of soaked policemen trudging through the sewage. The door opened slightly and the convict forced his way inside, slamming the heavy metal door behind him. He felt the sewers shake with the force of the door shutting and heard rocks crumbling and tumbling outside the door.

"Great," he muttered, "I'm trapped in here,"

Shuddering, he looked around, curious to see what the layers upon layers of dust were concealing. Blowing them off what he could see to be a photo frame, his eyes widened and his jaw dropped. Snapping back to his senses, he gazed closely at the photo before him through the cracked and splintered glass: four turtles, each wearing a different colour bandana, the red and blue ones looking disgruntled and glaring at each other while the orange and purple ones were grinning and waving; a rat wearing a kimono, stood between the red and blue banded turtles; two humans, a male and a female, both relatively attractive, holding hands and smiling coyly at the camera. _Maybe these people were particularly fond of dressing up…_ the convict thought distractedly, _there's no other explanation!_

As he wandered through the abandoned lair, he came upon a large room filled with dusty martial arts equipment, an old punching bag, giving off a musky odour, hung from the ceiling on a rusty chain. Several different weapons were on stands and shelves; the convict picked up two small, fork-like weapons, which he remembered seeing on a TV program – Sais, he wanted to call them – and dusted them off, examining them closely. Their handles were wrapped in faded red cloth; everything clicked into place. These weapons must have belonged to the red-banded person in the turtle costume. Moving back into the main body of the lair, he headed up the stairs onto the upper level. He walked past several rooms, taking a glance into each one and encountering three very different styles of room. Stepping into one of them, he found an open diary next to a lot of scientific equipment. Picking it up, he shook the cobwebs from it and began to read:

_Maybe one day I'll understand why we can never be accepted into the upper world – but to be honest, I'm confused. I'm supposed to be the brainy one, but I just can't make sense of why I can't go up there and use my knowledge, my gift, as Sensei calls it, for a worthwhile cause. He says we'll never be accepted up there – yet every time we've helped humans, like Quarry and the others, they have been grateful and accepted us for who we are. But for now we have bigger problems to deal with…like the Shredder. Mikey and Raph were ambushed by him a couple of weeks ago – and had Leo and I not arrived, I think he may have killed them. Raph was so angry at having to ask for back-up from us that he threw his Sais into the TV…again. Another thing for me to fix, along with the lights that Mikey smashed with his Nunchuks; not to mention that I have to repair a shelf in the dojo after Leo got carried away with a kata and sliced straight through the support. I ought to give them all a good talking to – don't get me wrong, I love technology, but I don't want to keep having to fix the same things over and over again. I'd better round this off – Leo and Raph are at it…again! Do those two ever stop fighting? Stupid question…_

"So you have names…and you're not wearing costumes…this is too weird," the convict put the book back in its place on the desk and moved out of the room. The door of the next room he came to was shut. Intrigued to know what the fourth room belonging to one of these mysterious turtle creatures would look like, he cautiously opened the door. Instantly, a foul stench reached his nostrils and he slammed the door shut, bolting down the stairs as fast as he could. Now that he thought about it, the whole place smelled of death and sadness. It was scaring him and he was trapped. Seeing a newspaper on the table, he picked it up and looked at the date – about seventy years previously – and read the front page, disbelieving at what he was reading. _Oroku Saki? Why do I know that name? I am sure that old Doctor Chaplin worked for him…the old man I murdered worked for Saki…yes, of that I am certain…_

Hearing the unsheathing of blades behind him, the convict threw the paper down and whipped round to face his attacker. He focussed on what was going on just in time to see a bladed glove that was raised high above his head being swung swiftly towards him. He let out a scream of terror, unable to do anything to prevent his fate, and shut his eyes, bracing himself for the impact. His last thoughts were of a curse he had been told of years ago, a ghost story told to him at sleepovers he had been to as a teenager; the story of an armoured spectre that wandered the abandoned section of the sewers, hunting for the last of his lifelong foes, swearing never to rest until he found him and took his revenge. Anyone who dared to intrude on his quest would not live to tell the tale, _If only he had opened that door…_ were the last thoughts of the convict as the blades sliced his throat, _maybe he would have found his answers…_

**A/N: -** I don't think I really need to say anymore on the ending – I'll leave it to your imagination as to what he saw behind the door of that fourth room. I always think things are more effective if they leave a little to the imagination when it comes to things like this…anyway, THANK-YOU to all my reviewers who have been so supportive and have always managed to make me smile with their reviews, and if you could all review one last time then I'd be very grateful.

Meanwhile, here is a quick glimpse of my new story, which I will be putting up at some point in the next couple of weeks: -

"I know you're worried, Raph – shell, we're all worried about him, but what else can we do? I'm sure he'll sort it out by himself, if we just give him a bit of space." Donnie raised his voice so as to be heard above Raph's fuming.

"I'm telling ya, guys, he ain't right! He's been acting all funny for a while now and it's really starting to tick me off! If he don't snap out of it soon, then I'll---"

"You'll what, Raph?" a quiet voice from the doorway indicated their brother's arrival. Raph cast his eyes to the floor, unable to look at his brother directly.

"Bro, you gotta get some rest – you look dreadful," Mikey piped up from where he'd been raiding the fridge, getting sick of Raph's constant ranting about the state of Leo at the moment. But even he couldn't deny that Leo was looking awful; dark circles ringed his eyes, which seemed to have dulled over the past few weeks, and he was pale, almost pasty-looking. Donnie just watched, sighing and shaking his head as Leo stepped into the room and made himself a cup of tea.

"Listen, guys, I'm fine, okay? I'm just a little tired, that's all…"

"A little! Leo, you look like death that's been killed a five times and warmed up six!"

"Thanks for that, Raph," Leo remarked dryly, practically ignoring his brother.

"Fine, you know what? You just carry on like this and you'll see that I'm right – get a grip, Leo!" Raph threw up his hands in exasperation and stormed out of the room. He could be heard stomping up the stairs and the remaining three turtles flinched, grimacing at each other, as the door to Raph's room was closed with enough force to make the walls of his room shake from the vibrations. Leo sighed and sat down at the table, massaging his temples,

"I can't win, can I?"

"Leo, if you'd just let Donnie…" Mikey trailed off, seeing the warning look Don shot at him, "Just try and relax, yeah?"

"I'll try, Mikey," Leo replied wearily, "but I can't promise anything…"

That's not the best extract I could have given, but I don't want to give too much away.


End file.
